《霧》
Fog

茅盾
Mao Dun

| 譯文摘自張培基《英譯中國散文選二》

霧遮沒了正對著后窗的一帶山峰。
The mountain peaks directly facing the back window of my room were veiled in fog.

要點
1, 本句采用被動語態,突出施動者,也給人一種畫面感~
2, 將“霧”譯為fog,而非mist,因為后者指的是“薄霧”,fog 指“霧,霧氣”,smog指“煙霧”,haze則是指“霧霾”

綜述:“霧”的表達有好多種,要選擇最適合的一種~

我還不知道這些山峰叫什么名兒。我來此的第一夜就看見那最高的一座山的頂巔像鉆石裝成的寶冕似的燈火。那時我的房里還沒有電燈,每晚上在暗中默坐,凝望這半空的一片光明,使我記起了兒時所讀的童話。實在的呢,這排列得很整齊的依稀分為三層的火球,襯著黑魆魆的山峰的背景,無論如何,是會引起非人間的縹緲的思想的。
The names of these mountain peaks are still unknown to me. The first night when I was there I had seen the top of the highest mountain shining with lights like a precious crown set with diamond. As there was no electric light in my room, all I could do in the evening was sit quietly in the dark and fix my eyes on the midair radiance, which reminded me of the fairy tales I had read in my childhood. Indeed, the orderly array of lights shining in three indistinct tiers one above another against a background of dark mountain peaks could conjure up, without fail, visions of the ethereal.

要點
1,“我還不知道這些山峰叫什么名兒”譯為The names of these mountain peaks are still unknown to me.譯者采用無靈主語,符合英文表達習慣,也避免了連續使用I 開頭造成的句式上的重復。
2,“那時我的房里還沒有電燈,每晚上在暗中默坐,凝望這半空的一片光明,使我記起了兒時所讀的童話。”中的“沒有電燈”與后文有隱含的因果關系,因此譯為As there was no electric light in my room, all I could do in the evening was sit quietly in the dark and fix my eyes on the midair radiance, which reminded me of the fairy tales I had read in my childhood.
3,“這排列得很整齊的依稀分為三層的火球”譯為the orderly array of lights shining in three indistinct tiers one above another,中文多層定語,翻譯時要分別前置和后置~

綜述
注意本段多層定語的翻譯~

但在白天看來,卻就平凡得很。并排的五六個山峰,差不多高低,就只最西的一峰戴著一簇房子,其余的僅只有樹;中間最大的一峰竟還有濯濯地一大塊,像是癩子頭上的瘡疤。現在那照例的晨霧把什么都遮沒了;就是稍遠的電線桿也躲得毫無影蹤。
In the daytime, however, it was all prosaic. The five or six peaks forming the front row were about the same height. The westernmost one had on top a cluster of houses while the rest were topped by nothing but trees. The highest one in the middle had on it a large piece of barren land, like the scar on a favus-infected human head. Now, as usual, the morning fog had shut out everything completely, including the not-too-distant wire poles.

要點
1,“并排的五六個山峰”多重定語,分前后,其中表狀態的“并排的”可以后置,譯為The five or six peaks forming the front row
2,“中間最大的一峰”中表位置的“中間“可以后置譯為 The highest one in the middle
3,“濯濯” 指山坡上光禿禿的樣子,譯為barren land
4,“癩子頭”是指黃廯感染的頭,譯為favus-infected human head
4,文中出現多次表示“遮蓋”的詞,譯者根據不同語境,分別用了veil, shut out, shroud, obliterate作同義替換,記得總結哦

綜述
本段重點依舊在于多重定語的翻譯,表位置和狀態的定語可以后置譯為狀語~

漸漸地太陽光從濃霧中鉆出來了。那也是可憐的太陽呢!光是那樣的淡弱。隨后它也躲開,讓白茫茫的濃霧吞噬了一切,包圍了大地。
Gradually, however, the sun managed to show through the dense fog. Yet how pitifully pale it looked! And soon it disappeared altogether, leaving the white thick fog to engulf everything and shroud mother earth.

要點
1,“鉆”即“從…中顯露”譯為show through,在遇到不會翻或找不到對應詞的動詞時,我們可以用一個詞組或短語將此動作描述出來~
2,” 那也是可憐的太陽呢!光是那樣的淡弱”意為“太陽的光線是那樣弱,真是可憐”,合譯為how pitifully pale it looked!

綜述
注意對于不熟悉的動詞的翻譯以及本段的合譯~當然還是要盡量豐富自己的詞匯,畢竟如果過多使用詞組和短語也會使句子變的冗雜~

我詛咒這抹煞一切的霧
I hate the all-obliterating fog!

我自然也討厭寒風和冰雪。但和霧比較起來,我是寧愿后者呵!寒風和冰雪的天氣能夠殺人,但也刺激人們活動起來奮斗。霧,霧呀,只使你苦悶,使你頹唐闌珊,像陷在爛泥淖中,滿心想掙扎,可是無從著力呢!
Of course I hate biting wind and icy snow too. But when they are compared with fog, I would rather have the former than the latter! Though biting wind and icy snow sometimes be a killer, yet they can also spur people on to greater efforts. O you fog! You plunge us into a state of depression and dejection, from which we struggle in vain to extricate ourselves as if we were bogged down in a mire.

要點
1,“寒風和冰雪的天氣能夠殺人“譯為biting wind and icy snow sometimes be a killer,其中”be a killer”比“kill people”更加簡潔生動~
2,“霧,霧呀,只使你苦悶,使你頹唐闌珊,像陷在爛泥淖中,滿心想掙扎,可是無從著力呢!”譯為O you fog! You plunge us into a state of depression and dejection, from which we struggle in vain to extricate ourselves as if we were bogged down in a mire.
① 原文是一個長感嘆句,譯者將主要的感嘆詞提前,后面譯為陳述句,方便行文
② “使…”譯為plunge sb into
③ “陷在“譯為bog down在英語行文中”像…”一般出現在句末或句中,此處為了意思流暢,將其置于句末
④ 譯者巧妙地將“滿心想掙扎,可是無從著力”和“爛泥譚”用一定語從句串了起來譯為from which we struggle in vain to extricate ourselves,其中“無從著力”即“徒勞地”譯為in vain,來修飾struggle“掙扎”

綜述:注意本段用定從串聯起的合譯,合譯最主要的就是找主語,找動詞,找關系~

傍午的時候,霧變成了牛毛雨,像簾子似的老是掛在窗前。兩三丈以外,便只見一片煙云——依然遮抹一切,只不是霧樣的罷了。沒有風。門前池中的殘荷梗時時忽然急劇地動搖起來,接著便有紅鯉魚的活潑潑的跳躍劃破了死一樣平靜的水面。
About noon the fog turned into a fine misty rain like a curtain hanging still at the window. Some 30 feet away, a cloud of misty vapor prevailed, blotting out everything. The air was windless. Every now and then, the withered lotus stems in the pond in front of my door gave a sudden violent jerk as a red carp was seen splashing briskly out of the water to break the death-like silence.

要點
1,“只不是霧樣的罷了”譯為misty放在vapor(水霧)之前即可,準確簡潔
2,“門前池中的殘荷梗時時忽然急劇地動搖起來,接著便有紅鯉魚的活潑潑的跳躍劃破了死一樣平靜的水面。”中“鯉魚的跳躍”與“荷梗的搖動”是隱含的因果關系~用as

綜述:分句間的關系大部分為因果或讓步~

我不知道紅鯉魚的軌外行動是不是為了不堪沉悶的壓迫?在我呢,既然沒有杲杲的太陽,便寧愿有疾風大雨,很不耐這愁霧的后身的牛毛雨老是像簾子一樣掛在窗前。
I wonder if the red carp’s aberration was due to its impatience with the unbearably oppressive status quo. As for me, failing a bright sunshine, I would rather have a violent storm. I cannot endure the fine misty rain which came in the wake of the gloomy fog to linger like a curtain hanging still at the window.

要點
1,“紅鯉魚的軌外行動”中的“軌外”意即“反常”或“異常”,故全文為the red carp’s aberration,意同the red carp’s abnormal behavior
2,” 既然沒有杲杲的太陽”意為“如無陽光燦爛”,譯為failing a bright sunshine,其中failing 為介詞,作“如果沒有”解
3,“愁霧的后身的牛毛雨”也是多層定語,其中“愁霧的后身”即“伴隨著愁霧而來的”可以后置,譯為the fine misty rain which came in the wake of the gloomy fog

綜述
本文句式基本無難點,主要掌握多層定語和回顧分句合譯技巧~

聲明:本雙語文章的中文評析系滬江英語原創內容,轉載請注明出處。中文評析僅代表作者個人觀點,僅供參考。如有不妥之處,歡迎指正。