古城
The Ancient City

Xiao Qian

| 譯文摘自張培基《英譯中國散文選二》

初冬的天,灰黯而且低垂,簡直把人壓得吁不出一口氣。前天一場雪還給居民一些明朗,但雪后的景象可不堪了!峭寒的北風將屋檐瓦角的雪屑一起卷到空中,舞過一個圈子以后都極善選擇地向路人脖頸里鉆。街道為惡作劇的陽光弄成泥淖,殘雪上面畫著片片踐踏的痕跡。
It was early winter. The gloomy and low sky made one feel suffocating. A fall of snow a couple of days before had before had brought to the city dwellers a touch of brightness, but now what an ugly scene reigned! The raw wind sent the snow on the tiles along the eaves whirling in the air in tiny bits and adroitly making its way down the necks of the pedestrians by way of their collars. The streets had become slushy by exposure to the prankish sun, and the thawing snow was dotted with traces of footsteps.

要點

1,” 初冬的天,灰黯而且低垂,簡直把人壓得吁不出一口氣”譯時分為兩句,It was early winter. The gloomy and low sky made one feel suffocating.簡潔恰當,是翻譯時常用的手法。
2,“把人壓得吁不出一口氣“即”使人感到窒息“,譯為made one feel suffocating
3,“一些明朗“即”少許明朗“故譯為a touch of brightness
4,“但雪后的景象可不堪了“即”但雪后的場景是多么不堪入目“譯為but now what an ugly scene reigned!譯者巧妙地用reign代替it is使得譯文更加生動靈活
5,“極善選擇地向路人脖頸里鉆“意即”靈巧地往路人的脖子里鉆“故譯為adroitly making its way down the necks of the pedestrians by way of their collars.,其中by way of their collars(通過他們的衣領)是增益成分,原文雖無其詞而有其意

綜述:本段又出現了我們熟悉的擬人修辭,譯者用whirl, make its way down,等動詞 以及prankish等形容詞很好地體現了出來~

飛機由一個熟悉的方面飛來了,洪大的震響驚動了當地的居民。他們臉上各畫著一些恐怖的回憶。爬在車轍中玩著泥球的孩子們也住了手,仰天望著這只奇怪的蜻蜓,像是意識出一些嚴重。及至蜻蜓為樹梢掩住,他們又重新低下頭去玩那骯臟的游戲了。
A plane appeared out of the blue from a direction only too familiar to the local inhabitants, roaring to the alarm of everybody, on whose face was written memories of some previous horrors. Kids, who had been crawling about over ruts playing a game of small clay balls, now stopped to look up at the strange dragonfly in the sky, subconsciously feeling that something ominous was going to happen. However, they soon lowered their heads again to bury themselves in the messy game as soon as the dragonfly disappeared from view behind the treetops.

要點
1,“飛機由一個熟悉的方面飛來了“意為”飛機突然由一個當地居民所熟悉的方向飛來了“,故譯為A place appeared out of the blue from a direction only too familiar to the local inhabitants。其中out of the blue,我們在《加德滿都的狗》中見過,意為”突然地“,屬增益成分,原文雖無其詞而有其意。
2,“飛機由一個熟悉的方面飛來了,洪大的震響驚動了當地的居民。他們臉上各畫著一些恐怖的回憶。“”他們“和”居民“是重合部分,可用定語從句進行合譯為A plane appeared out of the blue from a direction only too familiar to the local inhabitants, roaring to the alarm of everybody, on whose face was written memories of some previous horrors.

綜述:本段譯文動詞的使用十分精彩,如roar, written,crawl, bury oneself to。。。充分體現了原文生動簡潔的語言風格,值得我們借鑒

那是一只灰色的鐵鳥。對這古城,它不是完全陌生的。大家都知道它還有伙伴們,無數的,隨在背后。這只是只探子。它展著筆直的翅膀,掠過蒼老的樹枝,掠過寂靜的瓦房,掠過皇家的御湖,環繞燦爛的琉璃瓦,飛著,飛著,古城如一個臃腫的老人,盤著不能動彈的腿,眼睜睜守著這一切。
That was a grey iron bird by no means a stranger to ancient city. Everybody knew it was a scout with a multitude of “buddies” right behind it. With its straight wings spread out, it swept past sturdy old trees, quiet tile-roofed dwellings and lakes of imperial gardens, and circled over dazzling glazed tiles. It kept flying and flying. The ancient city, like a clumsy old man sitting there with his numbed legs crossed, looked on helplessly in face of what was taking place before him.

要點
1,“那是一只灰色的鐵鳥。對這古城,它不是完全陌生的。“譯為That was a grey iron bird by no means a stranger to ancient city. stranger 很好地體現了原文的修辭手法,兩句合譯也使得譯文緊湊連貫
2,“同伴“譯者此處用了一個較為口語化的詞buddy,顯得俏皮生動,但同時又加了引號,表達了一種戲謔的的語氣
3,“盤著不能動彈的腿“意即”盤著失去知覺的的腿坐在那里“譯為sitting there with his numbed legs crossed, sitting也是為了文章通順增譯的~
4,“眼睜睜守著這一切“即”無助地看著這一切在他眼前發生“譯為looked on helplessly in face of what was taking place before him。

綜述:本段依舊要借鑒譯者精準的選詞技巧~比如“臃腫的“在此并不是“肥胖”的意思,而應是“腿腳不靈便”之意,譯者使用clumsy 就很好的體現了古城作為一個“老年人“的姿態,另外還有scout, sweep,sturdy等, 都是可以使文章升級的好詞

城門低暗的洞口正熙熙攘攘地過著商賈路人,一個個直愣著呆呆的眼睛,“莫談國事”惟一社會教育使他們的嘴都嚴嚴封閉著。又要有變亂了。他們也不知道是誰和誰,反正腌菜說不上得多備些的。隨手還不能忘記為家里的灶王請下幾股高線香,為的是保佑一家老少平安。
The dark low archway of the city gate was thronged with tradesmen and pedestrians passing to and fro, each staring blankly ahead. Acting on the public warning ‘No discussing state affairs”, people had learned to keep their mouth closely shut. Yes, trouble seemed to be brewing. But they know not the trouble was between who and whom. Maybe they should store up more pickled vegetables just in case, and remember to burn joss sticks before the image of the kitchen god at home so as to get a blessing from heaven on all their folks.

要點
1,“城門低暗的洞口正熙熙攘攘地過著商賈路人“譯為The dark low archway of the city gate was thronged with tradesmen and pedestrians passing to and fro,譯者在此采用了和原文一致的無靈主語做主語(好別扭~),不僅貼合了原文也有利于下一句”一個個直愣著呆呆的眼睛“的銜接~
2.“他們也不知道是誰和誰“譯為But they know not the trouble was between who and whom.其中know not 等于did not know,在否定句中省略助動詞do 是古體英語,現仍見于書面語中,有節約用字,語調順口的修辭效果
3,“反正腌菜說不上得多備些的“意即”也許得多備些腌菜,以防外一“譯為Maybe they should store up more pickled vegetables just in case,just in case 為增譯成分,原文雖無其詞而有其意
4,“保平安“意即”得到上天的眷顧“譯為so as to get a blessing from heaven on all their folks.

綜述:本段出現多種口語化表達,有些還比較別扭,需要轉換為現代漢語再進行翻譯~

陽光融化了城角的雪,一些殘破的疤痕露出來了。那是歷史的賜予!歷史產生過建筑它的偉人,又差遣搗毀它的霸主。在幾番變亂中,它替居民挨過刀砍,受過炮轟。面前它又面臨怎樣一份命運,沒有人曉得。橫豎居民是如潮似地向城里灌了。那是極好的晴雨表,另一個征服者又窺伺起這古城的一切。
As the snow began to thaw under the sun, the corners of the city wall revealed scars of war. That was something left on it by history. History had sent great men to build the wall, and history had also sent tyrants to destroy it. Again and again, it had, in time of turmoil, suffered knife-cuts and bombardment for the sake of the common people. Now, nobody could tell what kind of fate was in store. Anyway the local people were surging like a tide into the city for shelter. A perfect barometer it was indeed – another conqueror was eyeing the ancient city greedily.

要點
1,“陽光融化了城角的雪,一些殘破的疤痕露出來了“本句兩個分句表面上主語各不相同,但其實第二句的意思為“城角的疤痕露出來了”,因此可以統一主語為“城角”,譯為As the snow began to thaw under the sun, the corners of the city wall revealed scars of war.
2,“面前它又面臨怎樣一份命運,沒有人曉得”很明顯可以合譯為nobody could tell what kind of fate was in store.還可用await譯為what kind of fate was awaiting it.
3,” 那是極好的晴雨表”譯為A perfect barometer it was indeed…譯者采用倒裝的句型,加強語氣~

綜述
注意譯者在譯“差遣”,“橫豎”,“灌”,“窺伺”時的選詞
古城自己任如一位臃腫的老人,低頭微微喘息著,噙著淚守著膝下這群無辜的孩子——
The ancient city, like a clumsy old man bending low and gasping feebly, continued to watch over the group of innocent kids around him, his eyes brimming with tears.

要點
1, 本句為多動詞句,“守著”為主要動詞,但本句表狀態的詞有三個“低頭”“喘息”“噙著淚”譯者將前兩個譯為現在分詞表伴隨,第三個譯為獨立主格結構

綜述
本篇的一大亮點就是譯者的選詞,原文短小精悍,,生動簡潔,在景物的描述中蘊含著作者感情,而這些,在翻譯時,都是要通過詞匯和句式表示出來的~

聲明:本雙語文章的中文評析系滬江英語原創內容,轉載請注明出處。中文評析僅代表作者個人觀點,如有不妥之處,歡迎指正。